Archive for January, 2012
几周前，我在豆瓣看过一篇文章，标题很吸引眼球，叫做[直播。我在美国做escort]。点进去一看，哇靠，居然不是标题党，是玩真的，很兴奋的读完了，惊奇的发现下面的留言居然是一水的: “楼主你太强了! ” ，“楼主注意安全哦!”，“楼主肯定是美女！对不对！” 。。一个假惺惺的卫道士都没有，让我恍然以为来到了黄色网站 —— “任何一条新闻都能引起中国网民的对骂，唯独上黄色论坛的网民素质高，从来没见过骂人的，全部是：楼主辛苦了，谢谢楼主，楼主好人一生平安。” 豆瓣居然已经上升到黄网的素质，对此我表示老怀欣慰。
虽然偶有出入脱衣舞俱乐部，但escort界我还真不大了解，于是很好奇宝宝的股沟了一番。真是不股不知道，一沟吓一跳啊，伦敦最顶级的伴游女郎，脸蛋胜过Scarlett Johansson，身材堪比Angelina Jolie，论时薪，居然比我还便宜，200镑／小时，可以包夜，还包邮哦亲！漂亮的跟白粉一样，白菜价就卖，性价比高到木有天理！我都看不下去！于是跟几个中国哥们儿英国哥们儿感慨，我怎么不是男的啊，我要是男的，我绝对不结婚，反正不缺钱，我就每周换。那么多貌美如花，热情似火的姑娘，招之即来，挥之即去，只要200镑／小时，就能阅尽人间春色，洞房夜夜换新人，高矮胖瘦，黑白美丑。。我靠，简直不虚此肾啊！
In February 2010, the office for National Statistics published their findings on marriage, in Britain, which showed that in Wales and England, the rate of people taking the plunge is at it’s lowest since 1895. Whatsmore, over the past decade, the mean age for getting married for a man in Britain has risen by five and a half years to 36.5. All of which makes you wonder: is marriage actually a good thing?
Marriage was created in the days of governmental control and religious choke holds on the people. The idea of spending forever with someone was bearable because humans only lived until the ripe old age of 40. However, this isn’t your great-great granddad’s black-and-white world anymore.
This isn’t an argument against love or being with the person that makes you happy (for any extended period of time), it’s just an argument against the actual institution of marriage and all of the outdated rules that surround the entire concept.
No.10 Marriage will make her let herself go
Women gain weight in the relationship because of child birth, but a recent study from the University of Queensland in Australia confirms that even women that don’t have a kid end up gaining a substantial amount of weight in wedded bliss.
According to the findings, a woman will gain up to 15 pounds if she had a partner but no baby in the first 10 years of marriage. The study goes on to explain that there are metabolic changes over that time so the weight gain can only be attributed to altered behaviour. The altered behaviour is not putting in the time and effort in their fitness routines and eating habits.
Men are just as guilty for letting themselves evolve into a chubby hubby and this gives women a get-out-of-dieting-free card. She might look good now, but add at least 10 pounds to her frame after the wedding ring slides on the finger.
No.9 Marriage is the end of options
Variety is the spice of life. Spice is also the name of the stripper dancing on your lap and slipping you her mobile number. No more of that Mr. Married. Settling down with one woman eliminates the wide selection of women and the thrill of the chase.
No more flings with a co-worker, gym pickups, one-night stands, and no more crazy chicks. Crazy chicks make dating so much fun! Plus, watch what happens the minute you get hitched. Not only do a ton of potential bed buddies come crawling out of the woodwork like carpenter ants, but all the women in your life that you could have scored with start admitting a sexual interest but say: “Too bad you’re getting married.” Yes. Too bad indeed.
No.8 Marriage is expensive
Facts and figures released each year by the wedding industries prove that weddings are getting out of control when it comes to cost. Last year, the average cost of a wedding in Britain was £21,000. Most marital issues are rooted in problems with money (usually a lack of it), so it’s probably not the best idea to kick-start a marriage choking on debt from a wedding cake and a band that ignored all the songs on your “don’t play” list.
Sure you’ve got two incomes, but now the questions about how, where and why you spend your money start to creep into the conversation. You have to explain why you spend the money you make like your mum is asking where all your pocket money goes. When is marriage the most expensive? When it ends in divorce.
No.7 Marriage is just paperwork
It’s perfectly acceptable to be in a monogamous relationship with someone you love and care for, but why do you need a piece of paper from the state or church? Marriage certificates are an unnecessary and potentially expensive formality just to share health insurance. If the two of you are happy with the current agreement, why rock the boat? Is it because of family pressures and the constant “when are you getting married?” questions from all the miserable people stuck in a marriage and looking to suck you into their black hole of depression? That’s so sweet of them.
No.6 Marriage is the end of spontaneity
Married couples love to tell people they are still spontaneous. It’s like when people tell you they don’t take crap or that they are not someone you want to mess with. They are full of crap. Spontaneous people don’t talk about how spontaneous they are because they are too busy going places and living a full life.
Married people have a diluted and compromised idea of spontaneity. They have spontaneous ideas that then involve months of planning, calendar juggling and last minute cancellations that become “we will do that soon.” They’d love to hop a flight for a weekend trip to Vegas, but that money would be better spent on the bills or putting money into buying a bigger house. Spontaneity also leads to a ton of compromise. Compromise sucks.
No.5 Marriage is constant compromise
Life is meant to be lived; to experience everything before the long dirt nap. Hard to accomplish everything when you spend half the time doing the things she wants to do. Well, you did get to pick the activity last week. You wanted to go to go white water rafting and now she wants to catch a Patrick Swayze marathon on Channel 4 and needs you around to watch her cry and restock her tissue supply.
Compromise isn’t just associated with small decisions. You’re going to have to come to an agreement on where you live, where your money goes and a million other choices you make, just to make her happy.
No.4 Marriage is the end of sex
There is still sex — occasionally. Those occasions are usually holidays, birthdays and when you’ve been a particularly good boy. It’s as bland as a sugar-free cookie. It’s always in the same location, boring position and ends the same way every time.
Want to try something new? Not tonight. Not ever, if we are being honest. Sure, some women will experiment, but it won’t be a long-term move added to the routine. Those early days of screwing like an Ikea veteran are long over.
No.3 Marriage often fails
Would you risk your life on the flip of a coin? Heads you live, tales you die. You do have a 50-50 chance, but are those really good odds for even giving it a shot? Not as drastic or life threatening, but over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Even people, who are truly in love with each other and the idea of spending the rest of their lives with one person find themselves in divorce. If you fall right in the middle on the idea of marriage (obviously, you have concerns, you’re reading this article), how can you make it work when people who want to get married can’t even stay together?
No.2 Marriage is the end of taking risks
Life involves risks — some that work out and some that crack you in the face and knock you back to the beginning. So what do you do? Take a risk and try all over again. This is fine so long as you’re the only person who suffers from the setbacks.
You can’t take chances when another person’s life, money, health, and future are in your hands. That would be a pretty selfish thing to do. Marriage means you’re keeping the best interests of two people in mind during every decision. Sure, it might keep you from making the leap into some pretty dumb moves, but it might also hold you back from pulling the trigger on an idea that will make your life better forever.
No.1 Marriage is forever
Think about the person you were a few years ago. Now think back a few years before that to how different it seems from life now. Now ponder the person you will be 10 years from now; you’re likely slightly similar but with many new tastes, feelings, emotions, and at a much different place in life. Is it really possible to think, or want, another human to come along for that crazy ride? No more risks, no more weekend trips to anywhere and all that compromise, money wasted and lack of sex for the rest of your days on earth. Until death do you part. You may now kiss the bride. Hopefully it’s “goodbye.”
我喜欢你就是因为我喜欢你，套一个枷锁在我头上我并不会更喜欢你，反而会心生恐惧，哇，一辈子那么长，我真要跟这个大马猴锁在一起么？婚姻本身并没有错，只是当我想起这是社会和法律硬塞给我的一个义务我就觉得很寒，我自己的感情生活，凭什么要别人来规定我该怎么做？“人在爱欲之中，独生独死，独去独来。苦乐自当，无有代者。” 我心似野马，只想有另一匹野马陪我在无边的草原上飞奔，假如有一天，我们不想一起跑了，那就挥手自兹去，萧萧班马鸣。相濡以沫也可以，相忘于江湖也可以。在一起不用去领什么证，不在一起也不用分割财产或者公告天下。多好。Nice and simple, once and for all.
当然非常热爱婚姻的人和小宇宙不够强大的人，您不请自来，看了以上长篇废话也不能怪我，有个好消息告诉您，Joe Wong 脱口秀里说的，“I have a family now, but I used to be really scared about marriage. I was like, wow, 50% of all marriages end up lasting forever!” 您一定是那lasting forever的50%！祝您幸福！